Thoughts on motherhood: Toni Morrison

“There was something so valuable about what happened when one became a mother. For me it was the most liberating thing that ever happened…Liberating because the demands that children make are not the demands of a normal 'other.' The children’s demands on me were things that nobody else ever asked me to do. To be a good manager. To have a sense of humor. To deliver something that somebody else could use. And they were not interested in all the things that other people were interested in, like what I was wearing or if I were sensual. Somehow all of the baggage that I had accumulated as a person about what we valuable just fell away. I could not only be me—whatever that was—but somebody actually needed me to be that.” –Toni Morrison

Sammy at 2 months!

Here is Sammy at two months, 11lbs 5oz, 61cm tall. He is quite the little charmer, I think. He'll stare at one of us until we notice him and then he'll break into a big toothless smile. He's also working on his talking skills, "Oooooo" being the most he's able to get out. He's sleeping pretty well with four-hour stretches in the night then waking and nursing and falling back asleep. There have been a few nights where all four of us end up in the bed. The kids sleep well but the parents? Not so much. Oh, well.

This month has been really busy for all of us. I've been getting the next issue of OB off the ground and that means lots of photo shoots, all of which Sammy has attended. Here he is at four weeks in our room at the Commodore in Astoria where we shot a huge feature:

Then here he is among camera equipment at a shoot of wedding desserts in Portland: 

 

Here he is at the "Bohemian Bride" photo shoot in Newberg. 

  

 This was going on behind him:

Here are all of the places he's been in his two months of life: Seaside, Astoria x2, Newberg, and this past weekend, Seventh Mountain Resort in Bend. Whew! This kid gets around! I love having him with me at work just like I did with Olivia. He's a very agreeable baby who is happiest when I've got him strapped to me in the Baby Bjorn.

His sister is also happy with him, although she has a hard time being gentle.

She just wants to love him. She wants to love everyone, actually, I just think she's having a bit of an adjustment sharing the spotlight and her mommy and daddy.

That's about it for now. Two months is terrific.

3 Years and 8 Months

It's Olivia's second week of preschool. Here she is on her way toting her little pink lunch bag.

















Olivia is sporting one, not two, pigtails today. She's in an asymmetrical phase.

She is enjoying school so far. Her teacher, Miss Kristin, seems overjoyed with her progress. She says Olivia is all smiles, all the time. She plays with everyone and is "all about the friends."


 I love this little school. It's so peaceful and simple, I'd like to spend a day there myself now and then. Today was bread-making day and Olivia emerged from class bearing a little wax paper bag of biscuits which she helped prepare herself. Delicious!

--
Chris

One week old!

Here's Sammy with his eyes open and looking quite adorable, I have to say. The past week has been a whirlwind of family visits, nursing, diaper changes, sleeping, not sleeping, nursing, and eating. Eating is a big deal. I'm starving most of the time.

Nonetheless, Sammy is proving to be a very sweet baby who isn't fussy (even though it's 100 degrees here today and for the next few days) and sleeps most of the time, even 4-hour stretches overnight. He's started to open his eyes and look around, especially when he hears his sister's voice. I think that will become more pronounced soon. He's going to love his sister, I can tell.

One thing's for sure: I'm in love.

Birth Story

I figure I should probably write what I can remember about Sammy's birth before I forget the details:

Wednesday, August 8th was Sammy's due date. We went in and things hadn't progressed since we'd been in a few days before. Our Dr. suggested that we come in on Friday and have my water broken and that would guarantee that our Dr. would be the one to deliver the baby and that there wouldn't be a waiting game. So we went home and started making plans for Friday.

That night, however, I started feeling contractions that were slightly different--more noticeable. We went to bed and at around 11pm, I was feeling more contractions or cramps more regularly. I started keeping track and noticed there was a bit of a pattern, but nothing obvious. At about midnight, Chris was snoring away and I nudged him and said, "I think it's happening." He said, "Wake me up when they are closer together," and rolled over and went to sleep. At 1AM, I nudged him again and said, "It's happening." That was when he jumped into bed and we went into action.

We called my mom and she said she didn't think there was time to get Olivia since she was in Lake Oswego. Luckily Biz was awake when we called here and we packed up a bag for Olivia and put our bags (already packed, of course) into the car and into the night we went.

After dropping off Olivia with her Auntie and cousins, we went straight to Emanuel and up to Labor & Delivery. Our nurse, Katie was young, but very nice and looked like the girl who played Felicity on t.v. I was afraid that after they checked me then would say I was wrong, that I had to go back home. Thankfully, I really was in labor and the only thing to do was just let things progress. And progress it did!

By about 3am, the contractions were more and more intense and I was fearful that they were going to be too much to handle. Maybe around 4am, I told Chris and Felicity that I wanted an epidural. We talked about all of the pros and cons, but I was concerned that the fear of the impending pain was going to make things go slower and I really wanted the baby to come out soon. Most of the time laboring at this point, Chris and I stood while I gripped the side of the bed and Chris rubbed my back. There were times when I gripped the bed controller thing so tight, I thought I was going to rip it off.

I tried to meditate and think of all of the things I'd read in order to prepare for birth but the only things that kept coming to me were the track and field athletes I'd watched that night on the Olympics, especially the hurdlers. That was how I felt. A hurdler. I also imagined that my grandma Mounce was in the room watching me, being like a silent observer and supporter. It was like a supernatural reassurance.

It took about an hour for the anesthesiologist to arrive and do all of the preparations and finally I had some relief. It wasn't a total numbing, in fact, it was more like the in between times--the time between contractions--were more fun. But I could certainly feel everything.

At 8:00 am, we had a new nurse, Jen, and a Dr. from my OB's office came to break my water. (We'd discussed it earlier and thought it would be the final hurdle to cross before Sammy's birth.) And it was. After that, things really moved along and the contractions were the most intense. By the time my OB, Dr. Sally, arrived at 8:45am, I was fully dilated and ready to push.

Pushing is a strange thing because it involves body parts not ever engaged in daily life. And, with the epidural, you have to be on the bed (I'm not sure why, other than you're attached to a pole) laying down, mostly and that's the worst position to be in to push a baby out. Somehow, it worked out fine--I credit the mirror for giving me the incentive. I could see his little head coming out! It was so exciting!

And, at 9:38am, Sammy was born.

The waiting is the hardest part...

Ah, the day before the due date. There are twinges, subtle signs, possibilities...but no baby yet. I've thought about what exactly I'm more impatient for: to hold baby Sam or just to get the whole birth thing over already. This morning Chris and I took a nice hour-long walk* to Peninsula Park and I remembered walking with him when I was pregnant with Olivia (especially the one time that we got caught in a torrential downpour). It was a time so filled with expectation and really no idea what we were about to embark upon. Today as we walked around I felt myself antsy to have our whole family at home together: me and Chris and Olivia and baby Sammy. Maybe that's what I'm really impatient for.

Of course right now, as I'm leisurely typing this beneath the dogwood in the quiet backyard filled with flowers, it's easy to say that. Soon enough I'll look back and think what was the rush?

*We also had a few laughs along the way so funny that I had to stop and hold on to something. My favorite was when we walked by someone's doggy bag that had been abandoned and its contents were just laying on the sidewalk. Chris said: "It looks like someone just gave up." I said:"Yeah, someone just lost their shit."

3 years and 6 months!

Even though she's closer to 3 yrs. 7 mos., we lost a month back there. Once the new baby arrives, we likely won't have time to update every month, but we'll try.

Overall, these are magical days, the kind of long summer days that are filled with butterflies and blueberries, picnics and painting. This summer is especially bittersweet since it will be our last as a fearsome threesome, but we're all excited to welcome baby Sammy into the family. (I am sincerely hoping that he will be as easy as Olivia was--not to compare or anything--but I loved the summer when she was a baby and we lounged around the yard listening to music.)

So, Olivia is quite the character. It's become apparent that she is very expressive in what she wears and what she likes. For instance, the other day, I was in the kitchen making dinner and when I came out to check on her, I found her like this:

To wit, please notice the water wings, goggles, and weird robot game on the iPad. I love that she's got her own thing going on.

She also really loves painting and drawing. Much to my chagrin (and for cleanliness sake, only, not because I want to limit her artistic impulses) but Chris buys her a constant supply of washable markers. Crayons just will not do, evidently. But she uses her washable pens to reenact the entire "Harold and the Purple Crayon" story. It's pretty amazing how she has memorized that story, and I mean the whole story which she can recite.

Here she is next to one of her paintings yesterday:

Another favorite thing to draw is faces and their many expressions. Here's a whole dry erase board full of faces:

One of her favorite games is "Mamma and Baby" and I love when I get to be the baby because then I can nod off. But usually, her babies are her stuffed animals that are tenderly put to bed, this time under comforting but ill-sized wet wipes:

Of course, Olivia loves to "read" and knows a few books by heart, especially "Monster At the End of This Book," and "Llama Llama, Mad at Mama" which she's reading here:

Such amazing days and many more to come!